Silence
by imaslacker
Summary: Silence can be unbearable at times
1. Chapter 1

They spend their days arguing, its comforting some how, at least then the house is filled with noise instead of the unbearable silence. Silence is the thing that scares them the most, because in the silence they are left alone with their thoughts, and sometimes that is even scarier than the silence. So they yell, turn the television up way to loud, anything to drown out the silence. But sometimes even the arguing isn't enough, sometimes their thoughts seep out into the arguments, and then once again they are left with the unbearable silence.

He left her, not because he had found someone better, he left because she asked him to. Not because he was tired of her. The words she yelled that day hurt worse than the silence. The words 'get out' echo in both of their minds, she didn't really mean them, she would take them back if she could. But she can't, so they hang in the air, like them smell of sour milk. Now they were once again left with their thoughts in the silence, but this time they were alone.


	2. Chapter 2

She pretends to be asleep as he stumbles into the bedroom, reeking of alcohol and cheap women's perfume. He flops on the bed mumbling that he loves her and falls asleep. She lays there while he's sleeping and wonders what she has done. The next night when she comes home he is passed out in front of the television, the bedroom smells like cheap perfume and sex. She changes the sheets and falls into a restless sleep, until the morning when she finds a note on the table that says "You deserve better." He is right she does deserve better, but she wants him.

Sometimes just as she is beginning to drift off to sleep, she swears she can feel it, his arm wrapped around her waist, protectively pulling her to him every so often, and just as she goes to snuggle into him, her eyes snap open. Sleep isn't going to come easy now as she rolls over and sees the spot he always occupied, empty. She gets up and gets his cologne from the dresser and sprays it around the room. She lays back down and breathes in the scent, he is back, lying next to her, arm wrapped protectively around her pulling her close to him needing to be as close to her as possible.

Her voice echoes off the bare walls of the room, mocking her, as she sobs. Her sobs turn into screams soon, she doesn't think she'll ever stop, because at least she's feeling something, this way at least she knows she's still alive. She falls back against the door, her sobs slightly subsided, as she tries to be as still as possible, waiting for the echo. She swears sometimes she can hear him, see him, sometimes it feels like he is standing right next to her, instead of a faded photograph across the room. But he isn't, he took everything just about, all except for the photographs and her ring. This way she knows it was real once, he was real and not just a figment of her imagination, as many things concerning him were.


	3. Chapter 3

Silence Chapter 3

She found the person she was meant to be with, her first time out, so what if she was just sixteen? She wanted to hate him at that moment, but she couldn't, so she hated herself for not being able to hate him. She always blamed herself for him, even if what happened was entirely his fault, it had to of been something she had done, to make him the way that he was. She wonders if maybe she had done something, anything differently if maybe things wouldn't have turned out this way, maybe he wouldn't be the way that he was. No matter how many times she tries to hate him, how many times she thinks about getting her tattoo removed, she can't, because to her he will always be that guy. The guy who promised to always protect her, who promised to love her even after the beach washed away, the sun dimmed and the stars ran out of gas, always and forever. He lied, he didn't protect her, from the one person she thought would never hurt her, himself. If you were to ask her who she thought could hurt her the most, the thought of him would never even enter her mind. But he should have entered her mind, because he just about shattered her, and this time he wasn't there to pick up the pieces, like he had done so many times before. But that didn't stop her from wanting him to be there, not wanting to be on her own, that was always her biggest fear, perhaps that was why she clung to him like she did. So she was left alone now, hoping that the unbearable silence wasn't present for long.


	4. Chapter 4

He always loved to leave her, maybe because in the back of his mind he wasn't good enough for her, maybe because for some unknown reason she would always take him back, no matter what. He could leave a million and one times, she would always let him back in. no matter how many times he leaves, how many times he doesn't even come home at all, she will always love him. She needs him in her life, he breaks her so many times, but somehow he puts her back together every time. Somehow without him her life just doesn't make sense, maybe she doesn't want it to. With him she is real, she has experienced heartache and loving a man with all her soul. He slips out from under the covers while he thinks she is sleeping, she lets the tears fall once she hears the door click shut. He loves to leave her, she loves to love him.

She's left alone now, just the ticking of the clock on the wall to keep her company. She wonders what he's doing now, if he's happy. But she knows he is, he didn't give up anything, except her and now she's wondering now if she ever meant that much to him. She would say no, with how many times he has come home drunk, how many times he has smelt like cheap women's perfume. He doesn't care about her, at least not anymore. They weren't always like this, they were happy once, when the only things she would yell at him for was for having his feet on the coffee table, or for leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor. Things that if she had known what was going to happen in the future, she never would have nagged about in the first place. Maybe if she had known, she wouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place, but then she never would have experienced love. Because he was it for her, no second loves in her life, they don't deserve it and neither does she. She wouldn't give back the time they had, or the love they had for each other for the world. She's left alone, wondering what she will do now that he's gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Silence Chapter 5

Loving him was effortless, it was the one thing she has know how to do since she was 10. She will never forget how to love him, she knows his wants, his needs and his fears. She knows him better than she knows herself and vice versa. Loving him is the easy part,accepting his flaws, she loves him no matter what. It's when he comes home late at night, muttering about a meeting, she knows it isn't true. But she doesn't call him on it, just says that dinner is in the fridge. Things go on like this for a few months, she never calls him on it, turns the other cheek, ignoring the pain in her chest from her unshed tears. She will never leave him, she doesn't know how to live without the man she has loved since she was 10. He comes home early one evening, saying that they need to talk. She doesn't yell or scream, doesn't even cry until she finishes packing a bag for him, the front door closes, and she is left alone, the word divorce echoing throughout their two story house. All he left her with was photographs, they bring her little comfort. She idly wonders if maybe she'll become Miss Havisham in Great Expectations, leaving everything exactly the same as it was the day her husband walked out the door. She would forever remember the look in his eyes, the pity. She remembers how hurt he looked, she's the one that should be hurting, not him, never him. She doesn't know what to do, the man that she has loved for 15 years of her life just left her. She can still see him, his back as he walks out what was once their front door, towards someone that isn't her. It is then that she crumbles, crying the months of unshed tears, and crying for the months and years that she will be left alone.


End file.
